Eyeballs in the Microwave
by Ennui Enigma
Summary: The result of a dare from jack63kids! Consider yourself forewarned.


**This short exposé is the result of a dare from jack63kids, which I couldn't pass up! Read at your own risk! I take no responsibility for any queasiness induced. It is, after all, supposed to be gross. **

**Reviews, comments, feedback in general, always appreciated!**

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_Disclaimer: I own nothing related to BBC Sherlock and obviously get no financial benefits_

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Mornings come too early, especially after a late night of chasing criminals with Sherlock. John staggered out of bed, bleary eyed and still in the nebulous transition from dreamland to reality. He wandered into the kitchen and put the kettle on for tea automatically checking to make sure it was empty.

Poking his nose into the living room he observed that Sherlock was already up – well, sort of up. He was sprawled supine across the couch busily being bored. Hearing the shuffle of John's feet, he managed to muster the energy to speak aloud. "Yes, I'll take a cup of tea, John. No need to ask."

John just shook his head. "_No need to answer either,_" he thought.

With tea in process, he turned his attentions to scrounging up some nourishment for breakfast. Cautiously he opened the fridge and peered inside. "_No heads today_," he breathed a sigh of relief. He really wasn't into the _head thing_ today. Too early for morbid faces staring wide-eyed, unblinking, back at you.

John circumvented the bottom shelf where various morgue specimens gravitated and avoided the far back shelf space where neglected foodstuffs quietly morphed into creepy creatures of various consistencies and colors.

Not surprisingly, the options were limited. Sour milk, grape jam, yogurt past it's expiration date, two slightly wrinkled apples, and Chinese leftovers. Given the options, John grabbed the Chinese. Although not his normal breakfast sustenance, it would do for now. Distracted by the wailing of the kettle announcing a boil, he popped the box into the microwave and hit the three-minute button.

Next he rinsed out a couple of teacups discarded next to the kitchen sink and prepared two cups of tea. Steaming cup in hand, he carefully carried one cup over to his prone companion. "There," Sherlock waved a languid hand absently and indicated the table next to where he lay.

Still sleepy and not feeling quite as accommodating as his usual, easy-going personality allowed, he set the cup down just inches out of Sherlock's easy reach.

Slowly retracing his steps, his ears suddenly honed in on an ominous hissing sound coming from the kitchen. Hastening his step, he realized the noise was emanating from the microwave. "What the F*'?" he muttered under his breath. Chinese leftovers didn't normally hiss! He bent over and glanced inside. To his horror he saw two objects rotating serenely inside. One was his box of Chinese, the other was a bowl filled with slimy eyeballs staring accusingly back at him! They were in the midst of expanding like rubber balloons filling with helium becoming grossly bloated and bulging. Then John's ears started to hear a new sound, a strange gurgling and bubbling.

"Sherlock!" he yelled.

"No thanks. Just tea please," his colleague replied not moving.

"Sherlock," John shouted again, a warning suspicion creeping into his voice, "are those your eyeballs in the microwave?"

Sherlock's deep drawl lazily floated across the room. "Of course not, John. My eyes are clearly encased within my frontal, zygomatic, lacrimal, ethmoid, maxillary, palatine, and sphenoid bones."

John watched as the gelatinous orbs in the microwave sizzled and shivered and grew to enormous proportions. Fascinated he watched as the largest of them suddenly burst with a sickening "Ker-poof!" spewing out a pinkish snot-like substance. Its explosion launched the orb into the air where it hit the far wall of the microwave, bounced, and landed with a soft splat onto the glass turnstile. A puddle of green liquid oozed out its base.

John was about to turn off the microwave and bring an end to the theatrics when suddenly the entire quivering mass of shiny eyeballs erupted in a blast reminiscent of the volcanic eruption of Mount Etna. Bits of eyeball ricocheted off the walls and came to rest on the floor of the microwave forming a shimmering array of malformed gooey goblets vibrating in a layer of slime, somewhat reminiscent of meatballs boiling in a pot of marinara. Copious amounts of mucus coated the inside of the microwave with the viscous liquid snaking down the sides in slow rivulets while thick droplets dripped from the ceiling landing in muffled splashes in the layer of goo that covered the floor. The whole conglomeration now let off little high-pitched pops and crackles as it coagulated into a semi-solid state. "_Interesting_," John stared motionless, transfixed by the sight.

Finally with the gooey firework show over, John shook himself out his stupor. "Umm…Sherlock?" he called a bit hesitantly.

"What now, John?" Sherlock curtly replied, clearly annoyed that his concentrated boredom was being interrupted.

Just then an odd aroma wafted across the room and triggered the detective's olfactory sense. "What are you cooking? It smells awful!"

"Umm…Um…John stammered trying to figure out how to break the news to Sherlock. "Um. Not exactly cooking anything," he called back over his shoulder still thinking.

A pause ensued wherein an ill-omened silence pervaded the flat. Finally John broke the spell and said in his most matter-of-fact, professional voice, "Well, Sherlock, not all your eyes are situated within your bony orbital sockets as you claim." He paused. "There are a few that have been irradiated with short wave radiation beams just now. They no longer appear to be spheres either."

"What have you done, John!" Sherlock rapidly changed from horizontal to vertical in stature and bolted off the sofa.

John pointed to the microwave, "in there."

"My experiment!" Sherlock wailed. "I was saving those for a particular investigation into the half-life of the retinas. You've ruined it!"

John shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, Sherlock. Didn't see 'em in the microwave. If you don't want your experiments 'nuked I'd suggest storing them somewhere more appropriate."

"You should have been more careful," his eccentric flatmate accused.

"Sorry, though really, Sherlock, it was an interesting experiment from my perspective. I've never seen eyeballs explode." A faint smile played at the corners of his mouth. "I might have to take up experimenting too," he teased.

"Not funny!" Sherlock stalked back to his sofa and busied himself with sulking.

"No sense of humour," John mumbled and shook his head with a bemused smile, "will have to work on that."

~o~

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**_A/N: Research for this story stems solely from my own imagination and video clips on YouTube. I have not actually microwaved eyeballs._**


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